i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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