If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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