You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
