my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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