I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
