did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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