It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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