My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
