He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
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So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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