3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
