We won't sleep together?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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