It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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