I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
