So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Everclear isn't food dammit
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
