Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
