Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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