As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
