New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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