I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
