I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
