The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
