the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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