no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
