Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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