Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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