the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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