Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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