It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
