I showed him my bush... on skype.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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