I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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