she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
