if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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