DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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