he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
