He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
