he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
