Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
