sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
