Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
