we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
