Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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