Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
