So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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