LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
