i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize