So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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