The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
