I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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