are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
