grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
