you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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