Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
And then he peed in my hair
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