I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
