I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
