you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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