I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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