Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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