How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
