Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
