Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
