So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
