Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Houston, we have a blender
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
