Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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