TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
