I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
