Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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