My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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