I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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