omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
