Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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