I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
