Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
