like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
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your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?