A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.