Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!