$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM