Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.