Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't